Quotations
Funny

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

-Oscar Wilde

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

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