Quotations
Funny

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

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