Quotations
Funny

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

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