Quotations
Funny

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

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