Quotations
Funny

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

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