Quotations
Funny

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

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