Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
