I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
