I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
