When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
