I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
