I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
