I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
