Quotations
Funny

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

-Winston S. Churchill

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

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