I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
-Anonymous
"The movie “Kinky Boots"
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
