I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
