When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
