When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
