I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
