Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
