Quotations
Funny

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

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