Quotations
Funny

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

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