Quotations
Funny

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.

-Wilson Mizner

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

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