Quotations
Funny

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

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