I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Quotations
Funny
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
