Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
