When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
