When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
