Quotations
Funny

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

-Winston S. Churchill

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

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