Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
