Quotations
Funny

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

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