Quotations
Funny

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

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