Quotations
Funny

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

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