Quotations
Funny

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

-Winston S. Churchill

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

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