Quotations
Funny

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

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