When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
