When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
