Quotations
Funny

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

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