I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
-Anonymous
"The movie “Kinky Boots"
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
