Quotations
Funny

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

-Oscar Wilde

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

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