I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
