Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
