I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
