Quotations
Funny

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

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