Quotations
Funny

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

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