Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
