When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
