Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
Quotations
Funny
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
