Quotations
Funny

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

-Winston S. Churchill

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