I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
