When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
