Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
-Anonymous
"The movie “Kinky Boots"
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
