Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
