Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
