When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Quotations
Funny
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
