I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
