I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
