Quotations
Funny

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

-Oscar Wilde

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

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