The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Quotations
Funny
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
