Quotations
Funny

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

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