I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
