Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
