Quotations
Funny

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

-Winston S. Churchill

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

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