Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
