Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
