When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
