I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
