When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
