Quotations
Funny

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

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