I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
