I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
