I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
