Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
