When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
