When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
