Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
