Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
