I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
