Quotations
Funny

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

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