I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
