I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Quotations
Funny
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
