Quotations
Funny

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

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