Quotations
Funny

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

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