I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
