Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Quotations
Funny
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
