I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
