I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
