Quotations
Funny

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

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