Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
