Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
-Anonymous
"The movie “Kinky Boots"
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
