Quotations
Funny

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

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