Quotations
Funny

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

-Oscar Wilde

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

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