Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
