When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
