Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
