Quotations
Funny

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

-Winston S. Churchill

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

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