Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
