I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
