Quotations
Funny

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

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