Quotations
Funny

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

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