Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
