Quotations
Funny

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

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