Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
