Quotations
Funny

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

-Winston S. Churchill

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

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