Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
