Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
