Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
