Quotations
Funny

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

-Oscar Wilde

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

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