Quotations
Funny

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

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