Quotations
Funny

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

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