I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
