I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
