I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
-Anonymous
"The movie “Kinky Boots"
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
