Quotations
Funny

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

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