Quotations
Funny

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

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