When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
