Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
