Quotations
Funny

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

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