I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Quotations
Funny
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
