Quotations
Funny

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

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