I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
