Quotations
Funny

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

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