Quotations
Funny

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

-Winston S. Churchill

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