Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
Quotations
Funny
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
