Quotations
Funny

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

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