I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
