Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
