I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
