When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
