Quotations
Funny

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

-Oscar Wilde

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

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