Quotations
Funny

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

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