Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
