I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Quotations
Funny
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
