Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
