When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
