Quotations
Funny

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

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