Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
