Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
