Quotations
Funny

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

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