Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
