Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
