Quotations
Funny

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

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