Quotations
Funny

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

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