Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
