Quotations
Funny

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

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