Quotations
Funny

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

-Oscar Wilde

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

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