Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
