My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
