Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
