Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
