When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Quotations
Funny
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
