I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
