Quotations
Funny

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

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