Quotations
Funny

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

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