I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
