I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
