When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
