Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
