Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
