I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
