Quotations
Funny

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

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