Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
