When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
