Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
