Quotations
Funny

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

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