Quotations
Funny

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

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