I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
