I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
