I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
