I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
