Quotations
Funny

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.

-Wilson Mizner

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

-Oscar Wilde

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

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