I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
