Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
