I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
