When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
