I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
