Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
