The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
