Quotations
Funny

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.

-Wilson Mizner

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

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