My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
Quotations
Funny
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
