When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
