I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Quotations
Funny
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
