I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
