Quotations
Funny

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

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