Quotations
Funny

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

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