When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
