I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
