Quotations
Funny

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

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