Quotations
Funny

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

-Oscar Wilde

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

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