When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
