I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
