Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
