Quotations
Funny

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

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