I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
