I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
