Quotations
Funny

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

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