Quotations
Funny

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.

-Wilson Mizner

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

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