Quotations
Funny

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

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