I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
