Quotations
Funny

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

-Winston S. Churchill

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

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