I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
