When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
