When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
