Quotations
Funny

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.

-Wilson Mizner

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