Quotations
Funny

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

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