Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
