I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
