Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
