Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
