Quotations
Funny

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

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