Quotations
Funny

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

-Oscar Wilde

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

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