Quotations
Funny

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

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