I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
