I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
