I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
