Quotations
Funny

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

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