I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
