Quotations
Funny

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

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