I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
