Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
-Anonymous
"The movie “Kinky Boots"
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
