Quotations
Funny

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

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