Quotations
Funny

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

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