I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
