I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
