When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
