Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
-Anonymous
"The movie “Kinky Boots"
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
