When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
