When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
