I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
