I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
