I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
