Quotations
Funny

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

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