Quotations
Funny

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

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