Quotations
Funny

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

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