Quotations
Funny

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

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