Quotations
Funny

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

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