When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Quotations
Funny
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
