Quotations
Funny

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

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