Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
