Quotations
Funny

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

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