Quotations
Funny

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

-Winston S. Churchill

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

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