I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
