I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
