I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
