Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
