Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
