Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
-Anonymous
"The movie “Kinky Boots"
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
