Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
