Quotations
Funny

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

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