Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
