Quotations
Funny

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

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