I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
