Quotations
Funny

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

-Winston S. Churchill

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

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