When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
-Anonymous
"The movie “Kinky Boots"
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
