When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
