When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
