I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
