Quotations
Funny

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

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