My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
Quotations
Funny
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
