Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
-Anonymous
"The movie “Kinky Boots"
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
