When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
