Quotations
Funny

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

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