Quotations
Funny

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

-Winston S. Churchill

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

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