A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
Quotations
Funny
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
