I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
