Quotations
Funny

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

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