My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
Quotations
Funny
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
