Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
