Quotations
Funny

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

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