I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
