Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
