Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
-Anonymous
"The movie “Kinky Boots"
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
