Quotations
Funny

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

-Frank Sinatra

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

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