Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
