Quotations
Funny

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.

-Wilson Mizner

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

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