Quotations
Funny

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.

-Wilson Mizner

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

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