I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
