Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
