When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
