Quotations
Funny

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

-Winston S. Churchill

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.

-Wilson Mizner

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