Quotations
Funny

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.

-Wilson Mizner

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

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