Quotations
Funny

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

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