Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Quotations
Funny
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
