Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
