Quotations
Mark Twain

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

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