Quotations
Mark Twain

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Be good and you will be lonesome.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

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