Quotations
Funny
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
- Anonymous
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
- Nikola Tesla
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
- Anonymous
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
- Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
- Alexandre Dumas
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