Quotations
Funny
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
- Anonymous
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
- Frank Sinatra
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
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