Quotations
Funny
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
- Nikola Tesla
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
- Alfred North Whitehead
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
- Yogi Berra
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
- Mark Twain
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
- Oscar Wilde
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
- Voltaire
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