You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
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