Quotations
Funny
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
- George Bernard Shaw
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
- Ronald Reagan
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
- Winston S. Churchill
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
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