Quotations
Funny

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
- Winston S. Churchill

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
- Winston S. Churchill

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Mark Twain

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
- Jarod Kintz

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain

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