Quotations
Funny
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
- Anonymous
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
- Anonymous
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
- Oscar Wilde
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain
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