Quotations
Funny
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
- Anonymous
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Mark Twain
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
- Yogi Berra
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
- Ronald Reagan
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
- Oscar Wilde
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
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