Quotations
Funny
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
- Benjamin Franklin
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
- Jarod Kintz
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