Quotations
Funny
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
- Anonymous
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
- Oscar Wilde
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
- Alfred North Whitehead
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