Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
- Anonymous
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
- Winston S. Churchill
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
- Jarod Kintz
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
- Nikola Tesla
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