Quotations
Funny
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
- George Eliot
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
- Winston S. Churchill
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
- Mark Twain
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
- George Bernard Shaw
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
- Alfred North Whitehead
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
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