Quotations
Funny

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
- George Bernard Shaw

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
- Voltaire

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
- George Eliot

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