Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
- George Eliot
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
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