Quotations
Funny
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
- Ronald Reagan
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
- Oscar Wilde
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