Quotations
Funny
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
- George Bernard Shaw
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
- Alexandre Dumas
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
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