Quotations
Funny
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
- Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
- Yogi Berra
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
- Anonymous
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
- Winston S. Churchill
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