Quotations
Funny
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
- George Bernard Shaw
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
- Oscar Wilde
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