Quotations
Funny
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
- Ronald Reagan
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
- George Eliot
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
- Jarod Kintz
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
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