Quotations
Funny
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
- Anonymous
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Mark Twain
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
- Yogi Berra
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain
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