Quotations
Funny

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
- George Bernard Shaw

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
- Yogi Berra

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
- Benjamin Franklin

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
- Oscar Wilde

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
- Alfred North Whitehead

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
- George Eliot

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