Quotations
Funny
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
- Benjamin Franklin
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
- Albert Einstein
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
- Yogi Berra
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
- Nikola Tesla
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