Quotations
Funny

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
- Anonymous

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
- Alfred North Whitehead

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
- Jarod Kintz

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