Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
- Yogi Berra
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
- Alfred North Whitehead
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
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