It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
We can’t reach old age by another man’s road.
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Be good and you will be lonesome.
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
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